Formal Letter
Dear Professor Brad,
My name is Thong Fu Lin from MEC1281 T6 group, and this is a short introduction about myself.
I am a mechanical engineering undergraduate from the Singapore Institute of Technology. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in mechatronics engineering. The reasons why I decided to continue my studies were to further enhance my knowledge and career opportunities.
As for hobbies, I do not have many, unlike others. However, I discovered an interest in creating and building something during my work-study program where I got to experience the Computer Numerical Control (CNC) machine for a production/manufacturing company as an intern. It was a valuable experience as I don't get to test it during the school curriculum. I realized that I am a technical person who is intrigued by how things were made, and this curiosity and eagerness that I had proved that mechanical engineering was the course for me.
For my communication capabilities, I have my fair share of strengths and weaknesses. One of my strengths is the ability to speak to people comfortably. I would find mutual topics to allow the conversation to run smoothly or lend a listening ear when needed. However, I find myself unapproachable as I tend not to speak up because I do not know how to open a conversation with strangers. Another one of my weaknesses is my confidence in speaking up, as I feel that I might offend them unknowingly during the conversation which leads to my insecurities.
By the end of this module, I hope to correct my communication
flaws and be more engaging. Likewise, I am looking forward to improving my
writing skills and reduce my grammatical errors. I believe that more practice
makes perfect, and every failure is just another stepping stone to success.
Yours Sincerely,
Fu Lin
Commented on Mohan's, Yong Sheng's, and Jia Yu's letter.
Edited on 29th January 2021
Dear Fu Lin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing about yourself in this letter. The purpose, strength, weakness and your goals were well-written. It is clear and straightforward, which makes it easy to understand. Reading your letter makes me curious about the work you did during your intern that makes you discovered your interest. As for your weakness, even though I have only known you for two weeks, you certainly did not seems like an unapproachable person. With your passion for learning, I believe that you will achieve your goals.
I look forward to learning with you in class.
Best regards,
Jiayu
Dear Jia Yu,
DeleteThank you for your kind feedback.
Let's try to improve together.
Best Regards,
Fu Lin
Dear Fu Lin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this introductory letter. You cover the basics of the assignment and offer the reader some explanations and examples. However, while the letter is informative, you could add more content detail so that we can gain a more robust understanding of who you are. It's interesting, for example, that you "discovered an interest in creating and building something during my work-study program...."
But if you actually explained more about hwat you did as an intern, with specifics, we could have a more complete image of how your view toward creation was enhanced.
Also, you mention that you are comfortable speaking with strangers but that you have a hard time opening a conversation. There's a certain irony there, which you could expand on. Why is it you don't know how to open a discussion? What is the result? Reflect on this and offer some explanation.
There are also a few issues to consider in terms of sentence structure:
-- Before this, I studied mechatronics engineering at Temasek Polytechnic, I decided to continue to pursue my studies to enhance my knowledge. > (comma splice)
-- ...and it was this curiosity and eagerness that I had, proved that it was the course for me. > (incorrect sentence structure) ...and it was this curiosity and eagerness that I had that proved that mechanical engineering was the course for me.
-- I tend not to speak up because I do not know how to open a conversation with strangers and afraid that I may unknowingly offend them...
> (lack of parallel structure)
because I ... A + B
A= do not know how to open a conversation with strangers
B = afraid that I may unknowingly offend them...
Are A and B parallel? No. This is because 'afraid' is an adjective and not a tensed verb. B needs a tensed verb + adjective.
-- I believe with more practice makes perfect.... > I believe that more practice makes perfect....
Let's review this and polish it further.
Best wishes,
Brad
Dear Prof Brad,
DeleteThank you for the kind feedback. I will take your feedback and review it for future assignments.
Best Regards,
Fu Lin
Dear Fu Lin,
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your introduction letter. Overall, this letter has met all of the objectives of the given assignment. However, I would like to point out some mistakes that you have made.
- Some of your sentences are too long. An example, "However, I find myself unapproachable as I tend not to speak up because I do not know how to open a conversation with strangers and afraid that I may unknowingly offend them, which makes me feel less confident." It would be better if you have divided this whole sentence into smaller sections. Try to reduce the number of conjunctions used in one sentence.
-As for your strength and weakness, I did not see any solid examples. You can further elaborate on each point. This can enhance the clarity of your points.
Overall, you did a great job! All the best for your future endeavors. :)
Best Regards,
Sabryna
Dear Sabryna,
DeleteThank you for the kind feedback. I will take your feedback and review it for future assignments.
Best Regards,
Fu Lin